Die, fcker, die!

by theodotdoron

She looked at her hairy toes. “They are disgusting”, she thought , whilst the outside sky with its towering clouds reflected on the big tv screen. This would be as close as she would be getting to the real world, today, and it seemed in general. Downstairs, five flight of stairs lower, the city drunks were spending their time in the local booze parlour or pissing a stream of vodka back out onto the children’s play ground. Uninterrupted length, that is what really frightened her. Lengthy, boring sessions of the mundane life. Dull, without excitement. Rather have them be interrupted by constant tension and pain. In all earnest. Even a long sentence lulled her brain into hypertension, as any hope of relieve vanished into the atmosphere. The ongoing stringing of normality, a dreaded descend into a big black hole. Of course, holding on to the edges of existence cost her all. Much like clinging to the rim of the abyss, gravity pulling her inwards, raw strength and effort wasted trying not to be sucked in. What was left after all those distractions and hopes and emotional hiccups and passions and fleeting goals had left the building? Pissing drunks and fleeting clouds. “Let’s get those disgusting toes sorted out”, but soon her eyelids thought otherwise. Another form of diversion? Guilt. Oh, that fcker loves to take centre stage and draw all the attention onto himself, deceiving anyone present into a frenzy about what matters, whilst the building is on fire. The flickering flames were constantly shouting out the absurdity of life! “Oh, it is all subject to decay”, they spat out, from the top of their lungs. But this wisdom, too, gets lost in the fire. “You and I, we were born to die”, Lana sings. She didn’t know if Lana had hairy toes. Hers still were. “Really, feelings of guilt are just distracting from the truth of the absurdity of our existence. My hairy toes mean really nothing. One day, they will be compost any ways.” The dark monumental clouds began to be pushed away by the blue sky on the horizon. “One day, my fear and guilt will be removed as far as the east is from the west, I know it.” There was one anchor to her troubled soul, the Saviour. He held those pieces together, still not completing them, but speaking truth about them. “In the world you will have trials and tribulations. But behold, I have overcome the world”, He said. An honest man. So authentic. Her gaze sashayed through the room. That tiny square that had become her home some years ago, without even knowing. Had she known upon first entering there that one day she would call it home, her head would have exploded, right there and then, by the drunks and hobo’s. “I guess, not knowing, as shit as it is most of the time, is still better than having my brains splattered onto the walls due to overuse. Death, after all, makes life unbearable. Death, where is thy victory, death where is thy sting?”

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