The day I met Kanye

by theodotdoron

Working away in the poncey place aka my job, a customer showed up unannounced.

“I need a dress, asap”, he said.

“What size, Sir?”, I asked.

“It’s not for me, dip shit, for a model. Size zero, of course.”

I showed him around the store, he looked more than a little annoyed and had a languid air about him. Starting to yap away in his phone, he paid no attention any more to what I showed him.

“What a rude bast**d”, I thought to myself, and walked away, back to the bar. There was another guy, not one of our regulars. Please note that our regulars would be known to spend a good million Dollars each year in our shop. Yes, it was that kind of a shop.

“Hi, Sir, can I help you?” Full of compassion I started to strike up a conversation with him who obviously felt way out of place here. I always saw it as my duty to make inferior people feel right at home in our place, a snobbish attire was never something I put on in the morning.

“No, I’m fine”, he informed me. “Just looking”, was his brief response, usually one used by people who had stumbled upon our shop by accident. In all honesty, he looked more like a homeless person than anyone else. Meanwhile, Kanye was still rummaging through the shop. Only, I had had no idea who he was by then, as this story is several years back, and he had not reached the state of notoriety he now has.

“So, what are you in Berlin for? You know, the guitar you are looking at comes at a meager 150000 Dollars, pretty mad, right?”, I said to the homeless guy.

“Oh, just shooting a video”, his response surprised me.

“Interesting. Not one you would need a guitar in a snake skin casing for by any chance?” Clearly I was probing for more information.

“No, Kanye is not big on guitars at the moment. If you want to, you can watch us shoot”, he said casually.

Suddenly it dawned on me. This is Kanye’s producer. They need a dress for a shoot, and I was hereby cordially invited by a homeless guy. Great! Sure enough I gave him my phone number, and sure enough within minutes the entire PR and marketing department was gathering around Kanye and the Producer, enjoying a round of  “Free champagne, all round please”, which I had to supply, naturally. Being the bar girl and all.

Yep, serving Kanye and seeing in him nothing but a rude bugger and taking his producer as a bum was my introduction to them both. Sure enough I later got a late-night booty-call. Yep, the shoot had finished, and if I didn’t want to come and join them for a little party. I didn’t, not so surprisingly.

Here is the outcome of that day, and yes, Estelle was wearing the dress I recommended, but was so rudely refused by Mr. Kanye West.