by theodotdoron

No, I did not say anything strange during confession. I guess it would make quite a good story line. No, unfortunately, my confession concerns something pretty recent. I am just not very funny. Yep. I do laugh about myself at times. Memory of joyful things are scarce in my head though. Nothing I am particularly proud of btw.

Yesterday the hubz and I went to a really nice American Diner. The food was great, the place amazing, and what did I do? Feel stressed and guilty. To me, the image of the Israelites wandering around the desert for so many years really captures this state of affairs. You can be externally free all you want, if inside you are still a slave, no palace can change that. 

God took them around the desert to get their internalized slave to be free. In fact, only a few of the original Egyptian freed slaves went into the promised land. It apparently was too much to do, habits were already formed that could not be broken. I tended to frequent such places only as a worker bee, now I am here to relax, and I frikking have no idea how. Very sad indeed.

My brain, left to its own devices, imagines the worst. I see people contemplating whether or not penguins have knees at night before falling asleep. I envision all sorts of horrid things. I hope and pray this habit of mine will be exchanged one day. My husband has a very sunny outlook on life, and I learn a lot from him. It was actually him and his best friend who taught me some days ago what fun can actually mean.

In fact, I look at funny websites at times for hours on end just so I can begin to grasp the whole concept and, well, funnily enough at times I view my world through a meme viewer. Memes are fun. And, it turns out I have the humour of a 12 year old boy, since most the memes are made by just them. That humours and worries me at the same time. One day, I hope, it will only make me chuckle and no longer worry. First world problem post indeed=)