Caught in a confession
You remember the scene when the Grinches’ heart grew a few sizes that day? Not a pleasant emotion for sure. Crackling away, raw flesh being revealed underneath that confining concrete shell. Those moments don’t catch up with me often, but when they do it’s bad.
Dear me, so many years spent outright hating a certain person. Sure, she had a way of showing me my short comings, over and over again. So I would often wonder how I can harbour such lack of kind emotions towards someone who, in most cases is a person causing tender stirrings of the heart.
Many decisions in my life were based on the fact that I wanted to put as many miles between us as possible. Words and actions exuding from her were the cause of much actual destruction in my life. At times she would withdraw my status, declaring me no longer to be her daughter, other times she would withdraw any form of support at crucial times.
It hardened my heart to the extend that I would choose living on the street over being in proximity of her vengeful nature. Venom would sprout forth, only to be forgotten the next day. The most minute things would set her off. Many hours, almost amounting to years I spent discussing the ins and outs of this situation with various friends.
Nothing would heal that gaping wound. And now? Now I am grown up and have been so many years. But today… Today my heart grew several sizes. And I have to let the world know, as otherwise it would be unbearable to me. I feel genuinely sorry for her. Not in a demeaning sort of way, where pity is a means of making me feel superior.
No, an honest sadness and a recognition of her as a person. Someone has removed that shield of poison standing between us so long. Dear God, unbelievable. Don’t get me wrong, we did talk in a sensible manner before. No Jerry Springer scenarios playing out. Due to a code of decency I will not share what I saw in her, only what I can see changing in me.
The greatest of these is love says the Bible. Well, love is never blind, for it needs to know what it is that needs covering, for love covers a multitude of things. Appropriately my playlist now includes a Christmas song. It feels like Christmas, and I feel like the Grinch, coming down from that mountain.
A good twenty years of terror and pain just fell off my heart. Oh, tell the world!