Take the money, honey, and run!

by theodotdoron

“What do you mean, looking for me? No one ever comes looking for me. You must be mistaken.”

“No, no, I am absolutely sure, it is you alone I need to talk to, I am certain.”

“Who are you and why are you looking for me? What can I help you with? Or are you some mad person usually talking to yourself and they only let you out for a few hours every day?”

“What do you mean, you think I am some kind of whack guy?”

“Excuse me, but the way you look at me so intensely, it’s not too far off, right?”

“Listen, ok, don’t sweat it, ok? Someone likes you, ok?”

“No, you listen, buddy, I am already liked by someone. This is getting a little weird, even too weird for my liking. Whatever it is, I don’t want it, ok, I am not interested, geddit?!”

“You will be, plus I will not leave here until my mission is completed, understand? You just don’t mess with the big boss, all right?”

“Man, you have no idea how freaked out I am by now, seriously, you having fun frightening innocent ladies like this? What is this, some strange goth show? Honestly, I will scream if you don’t leave any second now. I will!”

“Just take this, that is all I need you to do. Take this”, and he handed me an envelope, “and don’t loose it, all right. Just don’t loose it. The big boss wants you to know he knows and has seen all the plans you have made and basically, he approves, ok?”

“What? Is someone stalking me? Oh, man, you better go now, and tell your big boss I will call the police on him, no problem. What is in this stupid envelope any ways?” Opening the envelope I find a lottery ticket. A simple plain ticket. Cost: about 1€. I don’t even know why I opened this stupid envelope, for all I know it could have contained anthrax. Dang, sometimes I am too stupid for my own good.

I see the man no more, after I look up, he is just gone. Neither to the left, nor the right down the road do I see him. Probably he has gone to the loo. Although, its a big place, I should have at least seen the back of him somewhere. Weird…

Some days later, I have totally forgotten about this scenario, and especially this envelope, I stumble over some stupid dog poo lying in the middle of the road. Great, my fab shoes are wasted now… Looking up from my place of rest I see a big head line shining down from a news paper stand.

It reads “Big Jackpot winner has still not come forward. 60 Million waiting for it’s rightful owner.” For a split second I remember the ticket. Looking down, I see the same purse I was wearing when meeting that weirdo. Gosh, I might as well. With my ticket and the dog poo I am limping into the store.

Two seconds later, nothing is as it was. The owner before has literally fainted. Fainted. And I am now the sole proprietor of 60 Million. Gosh, wow, I guess I am glad that truly, shit happens. Not always, but, sometimes.